


Keep living as someone she is

by zinabug



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Angst, Dissociation, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Season three finale spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26216761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zinabug/pseuds/zinabug
Summary: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE SEASON THREE FINALE!!Lovelace tried to work out who is is now.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Keep living as someone she is

Isabel Lovelace is dead. 

She looks down at the hands, the hands that she assumes are connected to her body, hands with familiar scars that she never got and familiar crooked pinky fingers that she never had. 

Or did she always have them? 

This never  _ was  _ Isabel Lovelace. She has the right shaped body and the right memories and the right name, but none of it belongs to  _ her.  _

She’s not Isabel Lovelace. Lovelace has been dead, burned, for years. 

But who else can she be? 

She’s not quite a Dear Listener, but she’s not human either. She’s never been Lovelace, but she’s not anyone else either. 

Maybe it would be easiest to fold the hands, stand up, walk out of the room. Pretend she’s still Isabel Lovelace. Keep living life the same way, ignore the two year gap in the memories that used to belong to Isabel Lovelace and now belong to her. Ignore the phantom pain she can feel in her forehead, where there  _ should be  _ a scar. 

Ignore it, and keep living as someone she is. 

After all, there isn’t time to try and find herself. To see if the name Isabel Lovelace fits the body she has, to see what kind of person she was once she didn’t have to be Lovelace anymore. 

But Lovelace belonged to her now, whoever she was. She had Lovelace’s emories, and Lovelace’s trauma, she had all the parts of Isabel Lovelace as much as she wasn’t her. 

What makes you you? What makes you a person, a human? Is it your memories, your hopes and dreams and desires, your body? 

She’s stardust stacked around a shit-ton of trauma, really. Everything that happened to Lovelace made her a person in the same way everything that had happened to her did. 

She traced one of the hands over the scars lacing the body she had. 

Some of them? They felt like hers. A scar on her stomach, saving Minkowski and almost dooming Eiffel, and yet more burns and cuts on her hands and arms from trying to fix things. Fading marks from Kepler— they hadn’t gone away when the body died. 

And then there was old ones. Lovelace’s scars. One over the left eyebrow, when Lovelace had tried to save Fisher. A faint starburst on the back of both of the hands, marks Lovelace had shared with her whole crew. 

She put  _ her  _ head in  _ her  _ hands, and took a deep breath. 

Isabel Lovelace was dead. And she was going to carry on her memories, body, mind, by existing, whoever it meant she was now. It belonged to her now. 


End file.
